This Sickness
by Faith-o-saurus
Summary: No matter how much she would build the walls up, they would always eventually come crashing down. WARNING: suicide.


Her hair was plastered to her head, sweat pouring down her body from the immense adrenaline coursing through her.

Galfore had called her earlier. The news he brought shook her to the core; it was _them_. _They_ were back, and _they_ wanted her. Her whole body quivered at the thought; everything built up was now being torn down.

Tears cascaded down her golden cheeks as she clutched the knife in her hand, holding it so tightly that red was beginning to seep between her fingers. After all that she had worked for, after building up all of her walls, and for it to just be taken down. Just by that call.

She was disgusted with herself. How could she be so weak? She was a warrior; or at least, she was supposed to be.

A cry escaped her throat. No. She was no warrior. After all, would a warrior be lying where she was at the moment instead of leaving to fight for herself and her people?

But were they really her people anymore? She knew they would gladly hand her over to them for the "good of the people". Except for Galfore; he would never let _them_ take her. Over his dead body.

Unfortunately, that would most likely end up being the case.

The thoughts of what would happen to her if _they_ got _their_ hands on her made her whimper and clutch the knife tighter. She couldn't take it.

Thoughts whipped through her head. It was certain that _they_ were coming for her, but what was she going to do about it?

She squeezed the knife. She brought her other arm in the air, looking it over. Old scars covered where her glove usually was; past damage. It was a way for her to leave the world for just a little bit when things became too much and the walls began to break down.

By letting the scars come, they would soon build back up. The smile would be forever placed on her face yet again. No one would ever suspect a thing. She brought her arm back down. The familiar feel of the cold metal in her palm calmed her slightly. Usually, she would only create a few fresh wounds to wish away any pain or memories that plagued her that night. But tonight was different; now _they_ were back in reality, and _they_ were coming for her. There was only one way for her to escape.

There were times where she contemplated suicide before, to rid of all the memories that plagued her mind everyday. All of her insecurities. But now, she felt she had a legitimate reason to finally go through with the act.

If she ends her life, _they_ won't be able to, and she would definitely rather die at her own hands than that of what would happen to her if _they_ were to do it.

She shuddered.

She thought over her choice; what would this change? She thought of her home world; it would not shake her people. They were used to death of the royal family, and she doubted that any would feel surprised by one of them taking their own life. Galfore would be the only one to care. She thought of Earth, of her friends.

She could remember the looks she would get from passers-by. The look said 'freak'. It was what she was. She knew she did not belong on this world, but she kept up for her friends.

But what would they do?

She always thought of her friends as loyal, but now that she was faced with the question, what would they do if she did this?

Would they even care?

She sighed and let her mind go blank. She could not let _them_ kill her; she wished to go as painlessly as possible, and it definitely would be no where near painless there. She had made her decision.

She sat up slowly, her eyes vacant, and grabbed the knife by the handle, letting it hover above her scarred flesh.

She smiled.

* * *

Robin walked down the hall. The carnival was in town, and he decided to ask Starfire if she wanted to go with him. He smiled; now that she was his girlfriend, he didn't have to be afraid to ask those kinds of things. He stopped at the door of said person and knocked.

"Starfire?" When she did not respond, he knocked again. No answer. He was beginning to get a bit anxious.

"Star, mind opening the door? You all right?" Still no answer. Something was definitely wrong. Robin wasted no time typing in the override code in the door panel and skidding in her room.

He stopped cold.

Red. That was all he saw at first. As the fog started to fade from his mind, he saw the crumpled form that all the red was coming from.

"Fuck!" He dove to the bed, gripping onto the bloody girl, desperately trying to find a pulse. Tears began to leak from his face, his mask falling off. It seemed the other titans had heard him cry out for they appeared in the door moments later.

"Oh my god.." Beast Boy quivered and began to hyperventilate; Cyborg silently swore to himself as as blinked tears away; Raven's breathing was irregular and her eyes were glassy.

Sobs shook Robin as he gripped onto the woman he loved. He couldn't comprehend the situation; why would she do something like this? Didn't she know he loved her?

"Goddamnit! Fuck!" He let his face fall into her chest as the never-ending tears came down like a waterfall. He suddenly turned to face the other three, looking around wildly until spotting Raven.

"Raven! Starfire needs help, you have to heal her." Raven stood there, her eyes wide. Was he really this lost? She shivered at the concept; Robin, their calm and collected leader, barking out impossible orders. She felt the need to cry for it; it began to overwhelm her.

"Robin, you know it won't.." She trailed off. Robin's eyes became even wilder.

"Why aren't you doing it? Raven! Heal her! What the fuck, heal her!" His eyes were start to light with anger as she left the room, unable to handle the pressure.

Robin turned back to the girl in his arms, completely at a loss. He shook her slightly.

"Why would you do this, huh? Why!"

Starfire. She always seemed so happy; she held them together like glue. No one would have ever expected this, and that's why they couldn't stop it.

No, no one could stop this sickness.

* * *

**Mm, depressing. Read and review my dears!**


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